AN ASIDE

SOSEXY SPEAKS:
Away from my blog for a while but don’t worry, I’d be doing my blog rounds just as soon as I am done with this post. Thing is, I hate typing and since I don’t just type a post without first writing it down, it kind of duplicates my work.
I should continue with Patrick’s story but I’d rather I offloaded what is on my chest although, I promise to be back with his story.
Yankeenaijababe expressed dismay at the abrupt end of Bobi and Beauty’s tale: I did that because, since I’m still living, it means or that you’d still be reading about them from time to time. I didn’t want to keep going on and on about the story till it becomes boring and tiring when there are a lot of them to tell.

SOSEXY KEEPS SPEAKING:
I was posted outside of the state in which I was resident for my NYSC and so from time to time, I would travel back to Lagos just feel sane and simply unwind with friends and family.
I’m sure you all are a bit lost; I should tell this story the right way since I’ve laid a proper premise. I received a sms a few days back which read as follows:

“(My name withheld) or whatever you call yourself;
You husband snatcher! You think you have successfully
broken my home. Well now we are separated, so you can
become (name withheld)’s 3rd wife, I promise you, he’d sleep
with your mother, sister and househelp, you village dog!”

I was so shocked because I don’t as a rule, encourage married men. I hate them when I find out they are not disciplined and don’t condone sexual advances from them. I also recollected the guy’s name (Judge not yet) but in all honesty, I’ve only met him once so how can his wife be raining curses and abuses on me, blaming me for the failure of her marriage?
My first impulse was to send a reply asking if she was ok and maybe she had the wrong number? But the name in the text suggested that it was intended for me. Then again, a silent voice advised me to delete the message and I did just that. When I brought the issue up with my girlfriend who knew the whole story concerning this guy, she laughed and said:
“Chic, he wants your attention! He just cannot believe
That he’s been had, you actually dealt cards which guys
Would normally deal”

MAIN ‘KOKO’:
One of those times I came in from my place of primary assignment, I woke up one morning with an intent to see a dear friend of mine and decided to go pay him a visit at his place of work. I didn’t go with a car because they were all in use; after the visit, my friend saw me off but when we got to the company’s parking lot, it was then he realized I didn’t come with a ride that day which meant I had to stand under a terribly hot and scorching sun to get a cab. My friend had to get back to his office and me; I waited, stood alone for a cab that was proving difficult by the minute to see.
The sun now was so hot, I had already started to perspire and my make-up had started to drip down my face (picture that). I was still looking hot (well but excuse me, but I always do) and off course, trust Lagos guys and wanting to always give you a lift (‘ wonder if anyone of them has ever given one to a spirit?).
I don’t as a rule take ‘lifts’ but on this day, the sun had started doing wonders to my brain and when this guy with a cool ride stopped, he didn’t have to ask me twice before I happily hopped in. Turns out I was heading to Lekki and he, Victoria Island but I didn’t mind much, I just needed some time to cool off with the car’s A/C and anywhere he drops me in V/I, I could comfortably get a cab home.
Not 3minutes after the car started moving, he started acting funny, asking me out and telling me how God had wanted us to meet by making him take this route which he doesn’t take because of the traffic. I had already started getting irritated; He said he was married but to an American (eyes rolling; yeah right, like I care!) that he needs a companion who’d ‘take care’ of him. That he works with Toyota (That was before it went bankrupt).

He went as far as saying he has a party to attend which a certain Governor had had invited to be appreciated;he didn’t want to go there single, since the said Governor will want to hook him up with all sorts of girls that he wants a clean girl like me. That I should be lucky he’s picked me, he could marry me as his Naija wife if I’m good to him, we should go for the party so we could ‘cement’ our new found love. I felt dirty; hating myself for breaking my resolve never to take ‘lifts’. He asked me of my name and I did give him my name but he wasn’t paying attention and started calling me something else which was fine by me. He even went as far as trying to hold my hands in the car! I was beginning to get scared and couldn’t wait for the ‘lift’ to be over. He paid for my cab-fare and said he’d call me to conclude ‘our’ travel arrangements.
When I got home, I called this girlfriend of mine and she laughed at me calling me an ‘osho free’, me sef, I come tire for myself. He called though the next day but trust me, I didn’t pick.
My friend and I went back to our station shortly after that. A month or so after that, he called and I picked not knowing who it was at the other end. (I had deleted his number) He then identified himself and said I should come down to Lagos to see him; I then said okay but asked for my ticket-to and fro; he said he knows I have money, that I should pay my way down, he’d re-imburse me. I just hissed and ended the conversation.

My friend- “What’s up?”
Sosexy- “It’s that married Toyota guy again”
My friend- “He’s still hanging around”
Sosexy- “That isn’t even the annoying part, he said
That I should come down to Lagos to see him at my
Own expense”
My friend- “That guy’s stupid!”
Sosexy- “Imagine the bingo!”


I don’t respect married guys that mess around. I don’t chase them away, I teach them a lesson by ‘helping’ them spend their money till they realize that they’ve been played and I would definitely not have anything to do with them. Hence my annoyance at chics who go the whole 9yards when you can just curb your greed and manage the little you got from the early periods. Please why should I be a married man’s consolation prize or his ego enhancer when there are loads of single guys out there? Not here to preach so let me continue:
So this ‘bingo’ calls again and exactly a month or so had gone past and told me that he’s in Abuja for a meeting and lodging at Hilton that I should come and have fun with him. I asked him if I’d get there with my teeth, then he said he’d call the counter to book a flight for me; I wasn’t happy because the money will go to waste since I wasn’t going.
He called back to say there were no flights at that time and that I should send my account number, preferably a bank within the hotel; I sent him a friend’s redundant account which she wasn’t in the habit of using. He finally sent the flight money and added more money ‘to take care of myself’ that I should start coming immediately. I laughed. This is exactly what they do to entice girls who then fall prey out of greed for more.
What I did with the money?
My friends and I had sweet fun for 3days with the money.Oh and yeah, he sent me a text saying ‘God will judge me’ well, back to sender! I hissed and deleted the silly text.
After all this time as I’m now working and all he still can’t get over the fact that some girls can be bad. He should admit it, I was a better schemer and I make no apologies. All these married men need to be taught a lesson, yeah! GO HOME TO YOUR WIFE!
Be back with Patrick.

CRUMBLED CARDS2

….I tried to feel the hands but couldn’t recognize the person. Finally, I begged to be released as my eyes were beginning to hurt. It was Bobi; amidst the hailing from his friends and everyone, he held my waist which was actually a first as he never did that in public while Shade kept looking at me like: “What are you going to do?”
In Bobi’s presence, I was overwhelmed especially as he was treating me like a treasure he didn’t want to lose sight of or let go so I basked in this if only for a while. Of course we ended up in his room and had sex but still I couldn’t work up the nerve to confront him. As far as I was concerned, the trouble wasn’t with him but with that back stabbing bitch who couldn’t keep her legs closed; and well, Bobi was showing a little consideration for me these days.
My new friend Shade wanted to cut off my throat and called me all sorts of names but I wasn’t perturbed. In all of this, Beauty had still not returned and basically the whole school was waiting for her as it promised them a showdown between the two of us. If Bobi heard anything or got wind of the impending doom he showed no knowledge of it and things continued as before with a relationship that was nothing to write home about.
Some weeks into school resumption, after a particular day of marathon lectures, I went jogging just to ease off on the stress and get away to be my sole company. When I got back to my room, I was told that Beauty came to see me. My skipped!
Much as I wanted to confront her, I wasn’t quite ready for it as I hate any confrontation of any type. I was someone who hated talk but expressed myself through my actions and all wanted was never to see her again and truth be told, somehow, I missed her despite what I had heard and what had gone down hence, why I kept dodging her.
We had a loose click then; I started hearing that the other members of the click were moving with her when I hadn’t even confronted her. I went to enquire if it was true from the person that was in the forefront and who was actually the first to condemn Beauty and even fuelled the whole thing and she said:
“Please what’s my own with what’s going on between you two? If you want to confront her, then do so and leave me out of it”
Sosexy- “Oh? So that’s it now? You just said all that for what and to what end? You finally created a rift between us and you’re extricating yourself like you have no inkling of what I’m saying. Anyway, it’s done”
I was fast learning the way the world operated and what better way but to blend in it?
I never confronted Beauty but steered of her. Those who wanted to hear more came asking why we were not seen together, I said nothing and I’m sure she gave no explanations.
By then, Bobi and I were fast becoming history with series of humiliations directed at me. Finally, he brought the brewing issue of Beauty up and I said I didn’t want to talk about it then he had the gall to tell me he never did it. Swore even. He said Beauty was the truest friend I would ever have and to that I laughed long and hard all the while looking at him with derision and finally telling him to ‘drop it’; just those words.
All those who affirmed the affair between Bobi and Beauty now denied ever saying that and instead, made me out to be the suspicious one who was ungrateful of the friendship bestowed on me by Beauty. Everyone, that is except Shade who kept reminding me that we had gotten proof and that I should leave Bobi. She called spineless and silly but I guess I needed a sign from heaven telling me succinctly that I should take myself out of that relationship and get going.
Finally my birthday and I threw a party where even Beauty was in attendance. She came to proffer her explanation eyeball to eyeball for the first time. She said she did nothing with Bobi and that it was Bobi carrying the rumour about them both so that I could split. She said we shouldn’t be friends over a guy that wasn’t even worth it and wondered what I was still doing with him, that she had even stopped speaking with him and that I was better off without him.
I waited for my BF to show up for my party but he didn’t. I wanted to sink into the ground as it was so in obvious he wasn’t in attendance. My friends rallied around me and tried their best to make me happy and not let anything mar my day but what do you think? I’m guessing that was my sign from heaven but I chose not to give heed to that.
Two days later, he showed up that he had been busy in the studio and had designs to turn in so he couldn’t afford to show up; brought a ‘card’ along with him for me. He also said I should pack up some things that we were going to his apartment to celebrate my birthday.
He said he couldn’t wait to ‘be’ with me, ‘feel’ me and all that within those lines and when he was done, do you know what happened next? He sat me down and said:
“We’ve been dating for a year and half now and I have to come clean with you, I’m tired of being caged, I’ve had to stick to rules and all because I’m in a relationship and baby, that’s just not me. I have to tell you, you’re slowing me down. Lets just be really good friends. You’re a nice girl and I’m sure there are guys out there gunning for you and don’t think I haven’t heard! It’s over’
I was numbed with pain. My world had just fallen apart and just like that. I cried like a baby and uncontrollably at that. His friend came to ask what’s up and when he didn’t get any reply, the friend gathered me close and held me, he whispered to me that I was better single than dating his friend. It was hell.
That night, I opted to sleep on the rug as I didn’t need Bobi around me. Dawn couldn’t come soon enough; I left as early as 6am with all of my stuff.

EPILOGUE
When I gotten to my room, it was obvious to my friends that it was over and they all kept celebrating. Subsequently, Bobi came to beg but I didn’t even see him. Maybe it was out of fear that my friends would maim me. I tried to get over him and he tried getting in my ways in so many ways. He even went as far as having an affair with chic whom we both lived on the same block and would make a hell of a noise whenever he was in her apartment which he knew I’d hear and would hurt.
I did hurt and instead of bringing me back to him, it pushed me away and I genuinely began to dislike him a whole lot.
The Bobi phase left me and I had more of them friends and yeah I had loads of male admirers and I had now become popular for reasons unknown to me. Once in while, Bobi would pop up, he always was, I was finally someone he wanted to be with (funny). Especially when he asked me to marry him! Ha! Funny. With a criteria that I’d always be slim! Mscheeew!
Here’s me being single until I met Patrick.

CRUMBLED CARDS

THIS BLOG IS A TRUE ACCOUNTOF MY LIFE.
SO NO QUESTIONS ABOUT ITS AUTHENTICITY OR NOT.

Sosexy speaks:
Oh did I tell you Bobi called me on Easter Monday and suggested we hang out? Hmm after all these years. Don’t crucify me just yet, I declined the offer.
… I couldn’t wait to leave this now unbearable group as I just couldn’t sit still. I had to see someone, ask questions and conduct my own investigation. I wasn’t a kid anymore; events were showing me that I had to either stand up for myself or get drowned.
Which was it going to be?

An hour later, I bade them farewell and I could see they were happy to see me leave as we weren’t really friends. They were also happy that they had bust my bubbles, made a mess of the safe cocoon I had created and have wrecked some havoc. One less happy person.
I had made a friend independent of Beauty. Her name’s shade; if any gist as it really is exists, then ask Shade. She’s got it hot and real, maybe its cause her boyfriend was popular and always hung out with the movers and shakers of our school. I went straight to where I knew I’d find her. Where the whole school converges, like hangout, show off, flirt and all .Let me call it SHAYO ARENA, true to talk, I saw her with her BF all decked up for the night with her man. I beckoned to her and she came welcoming me back to school and all. I had to steady myself so I lit a stick of cigarette and asked her pointblank what she knew about Beauty and Bobi, she laughed genuinely and said:

Shade-We all wondered when you’d come to your senses.

Sosexy- Shade, update me, seems like I’ve been floating.

Shade- You really have.

Sosexy-So what’s the deal?

Shade- Simple, we all thought you gave a silent approval to Bobi and that slut.

Sosexy- So why didn’t you tell me?

Shade-Tell you? Now come on, how? Not like it started today.

Sosexy- Do you think you all might be wrong? Because I don’t think she would do this to me.

Shade- This girl, you would never learn, okay, I’d give you proof if only to make you stop being a fool especially to Bobi and to show you your friend’s a slut.

I waited for her to get her BF’s permission to leave for a while to run an errand with me. Nway, we went to see someone else who happened to be the current GF of Bobi’s best friend (remember? The guy Beauty slept with) and after all the pleasantries and little catch up ended, Shade went straight to why we came but the chic refused to talk about it but after so much cajoling she gave in. She had this to say:

“Well Bobi came over to spend the weekend with us and the next morning while we were lazing around, Bobi started talking about Beauty and how she keeps sleeping with him irrespective of the fact that he’s supposed to be seeing her best friend (me)”
The reason he spoke so freely in front of this chic was because he didn’t know she had any connection to me whatsoever.
So there! I had my proof and I didn’t know what to do with it. It was surreal. Like it was someone else’s life we were talking about.
Then Shade asked: “So what’s your next step? Tell me you’d break up with that SOB”
I just kept crying, my tears were flowing endlessly. I never knew the world was so wicked and I guess I’m still in shock, like I was standing out of my body and watching myself cry.
I got a grip on myself; one thing I hate is seeing people look at me with pity or sympathy. I brought this on me and I would see this through. I threw away the stick of cigarette I was smoking (My last stick ever) and suggested Shade and I leave. I thanked the chic profusely for finally agreeing to talk, say the truth.
We walked back to SHAYO ARENA and as I bade Shade and her BF goodnight, someone covered my eyes from behind.


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Eyes Wide Shut 3

SEXY THOUGHTS:
All day I felt the urge to kiss and be kissed!
I even resorted to kissing myself! Hope I don’t sound
Crazy?’ cause you know desperate times call for desperate measures.

INNER THOUGHTS:
It took me long with this come back because, I was uncertain as to how much I should reveal but WTH this is SAY IT AS IT IS . Liver no cut me but I’m used to keeping it in and lost it for a while.

SOSEXY SPEAKS:
…We (Beauty and I) packed our bags and struggled to get to the park. But of course you know how it is when everyone is headed towards same direction; Chaos! With gunshots, we could barely coordinate ourselves properly. We didn’t even know when we started running with our luggage (Imagine that!) and hiding in the bushes was no option because that was where the shooters came from.
There was a heavy cult blood bath in school and this time, it included girlfriends and chics who hung out with each crew. They didn’t spare anyone. It was then that Beauty told me that Bobi belonged to one of the cults fighting! Me? Dating a cultist?! Hence the hurried packing and running for dear life! Well, everyone was too. When we finally got to the park, it was crowded and there was no transport vehicle just to get us out of that war zone. The whole school was in panic.
As if that wasn’t enough, I saw some chic I knew just get shot in the arse! Everyone ran. The cultists came out and started shooting at everyone. In the confusion, I lost track of Beauty; I ran aimlessly but it got to a point when I knew I couldn’t outrun these guys, I mean they were high on drugs and whatever else, were also blood thirsty, hungry for supremacy.
You won’t believe where I hid: There’s a place where we buy fries. You know? Yam, plaintain, potatoes and the like. This girl hid under the table of that spot and I, out of instinct, followed her and we both hid under a table that was in full glare of these people.Now, how confused was that?
I was so scared! Then they got to us wielding bottles, axes and machetes, shooting at those who were running and on the table. Some of it touched me but till today, I don’t know how I made it outta there alive, really. I just thank God. Well some touched me but it didn’t matter; that wasn’t what touched me to the core. There in front of me and this girl I was crouching under the table with, a guy was butchered without mercy while he kept pleading, after that, they continued their rampage.
Somehow, I reconnected with Beauty and we hustled for 3days to leave school.
We stayed home for 2months before we were called back to school. I didn’t come back immediately and somehow, I hadn’t been in contact with Beauty and Bobi. Anyway, I went back to school but my boyfriend and best friend were not yet back. I was worried for Bobi. I wanted to know if he was okay, If he survived the mayhem.
In all of this since Beauty wasn’t back yet, I had to hang out with some mutual friend Angy of Beauty and I .I didn’t like her just that her room was a fun and gossip arena so just wanted to amuse myself. When I got there, there were lots of chics and of course we did the most common thing known to us: Gossip.

Girl 1-What’s up na? How your bobo?

Sosexy- He’s fine I think, I hope

Girl 1- Ehen, so what’s up? Hope these guys didn’t injure him oh.

Sosexy- What? Don’t get

Girl 2- What’s with the forming? Like you don’t know he’s a coded guy? Abeg! Next please!

Sosexy- What’s with you? Please if you don’t like my face, that’s the door!

Angy- Ha ha now.., it hasn’t gotten to that, you both should drop it.

Sosexy- Please, I’m leaving;

Girl 2 – Better! One less pretender.

Sosexy- Me? Pretend? What for?

Girl 1 snickers and starts laughing derisively.

Sosexy- What’s the matter? (I asked turning towards Angy, but she was clearly having fun)

Girl 1- Ok how’s your co-wife?

I’m still lost here and so I just look at them and shrug

Girl 2- Oh God! As if you don’t know that Bobi is fucking Beauty.

Angy- Ha! See me oh! I dodge before Aeroplane will carry me go.

Girl 2- Let her go and tell now! I can defend myself anyway, and please, it’s true!

Sosexy- What are you talking about? What are you saying?

Girl 2- I don’t even know why I’m bothering with you but the whole school thinks you Okayed Bobi and Beauty’s affair, like you all have an agreement or something.

Sosexy- What affair? No Beauty can’t now, she can’t do that. I would trust her with my life.

Girl 2- See your mouth! (She mimics me) Is your life your man? You just don’t know where you are. You think you’re acting a film of friends through high school and through thick and thin.

Sosexy- Stop being nasty and talk to me
Girl 2- Hold up, you mean you really don’t know?

Sosexy- I don’t know anything.

Girl 1- Well we’ve all seen her countless times.

Sosexy- So? I know of all her visits and she even gives me word for word account of their conversation and don’t forget, they were friends before even me.

Girl 2- You’re so naïve! Are you stupid?!

Sosexy –Well, I don’t believe you
All of them- It’s all you and yours, what’s our business? Next topic?


With that, we moved to another topic but I lost interest, I was so unsettled. Could this be true? Was I living in a fool’s paradise?
Could history be repeating itself with me as Beauty and her ex-friend? But I thought she said she never liked Bobi in that way and that he wasn’t even her type? Could she have had an affair with Bobi’s best friend and then sleep with Bobi? That would be really disgusting; could she do it to me?
I then started to shimmer with anger.

Eyes Wide Shut 2

I met Beauty through a mutual family friend who was our guardian on campus. I’ve not seen any Nigerian girl with a face as beautiful as Beauty’s (including my humble self) She’s nice, giving and sings like there’s no tomorrow. She’d been on campus a year before so since I was new she literally showed me the ropes; she helped me settle in without any hitch. I was a fresher and had my place; I invited her to be my roomie.She agreed not because she couldn’t afford it: Her family was also wealthy but she’s needed a friend and we blended, got real close.
She told me her story on a very good day that she slept with her close friend’s boyfriend. That she got attracted to him and they both couldn’t stop sleeping with each other and that was earned her a bad reputation in school.
The chic affronted her in a public place. Where we students’ hang out and all. You want your news to travel? Do it there.
This chic started throwing insults her way and all, she said she was embarrassed and all but to save face she had to take it and give it back to her.
So she (Beauty) said: “Yeah, I slept with him, still am, we aren’t and we still aren’t done, what you gonna do about it?”
Everyone went crazy. Her friend looked at her with disgust and walked away, she and her made up later but it just wasn’t the same anymore.
I listened to her and accepted her the way she was, I liked that about her. She was honest. I loved her as I would a sister if I had one and trusted her with all my heart.
Infact, Bobi’s closest friend was the guy she had the affair with so Beauty and Bobi were close and she always used to say he was never, that he wasn’t even the one she had in mind for me; He was scrab.Anyway, too late.
I would appeal to her to find out what’s up with him and come and give feedback which she always did.
One day, on such appeals, while waiting in my room for her return, she came and told me that he tried to kiss her. I was so mad at him that I didn’t question what led to the attempted kiss it was that idiot that I had a problem with, trying to insult me, obviously, he had no respect for me.
The next time, she said went to see him on her own and met him in his towel after his shower and they got talking about me and this time, he got on top of her and she was so mad and she pushed him off her. He walked to the farthest of his room (he does that when he wants to say something he deems important) and asked

Bobi- “Am I a bad person?”
Beauty-“No, you are not, why?”
Bobi-“Sosexy thinks I’m a beast”
Beauty-“Well, no you are not, to me, you’re a very nice person
Sosexy’s opinion is her’s”
Bobi-“if only she’d just get it”
This time, the conversation didn’t sound right to me and I silently began to wonder and would have loved to pursue it, make enquiries but couldn’t because we had to vacate school premises immediately as there was serious violence and I didn’t even get the chance to see him or say goodbye. Students were dying around us like fleas.

Eyes Wide Shut

…..So I went home for the vacation with my friend, Beauty staying at my home for the next two weeks. I finally confided in her what had happened to me and she sympathized with me that the next time will be better and kept beaming at me saying:
“You’re now a woman”
I had a pressing worry: I hadn’t seen my period and I prayed as I never did to God to deliver me from this mess which finally he did by answering my prayers, my period came. I was so happy.
School resumed, I went back and the first person I couldn’t wait to see was Bobi, I went to see him and when he saw me coming, he shouted saying:
“Orobo! See how you’ve gone and added weight, what is wrong with you? Why can’t you control your eating?”
A neighbour of his, a chic had to say: “Haba Bobi, take it easy now. Allow her get here first.”
Anyway we spent time together and in between, I told him about the delay in my period and he just said it’s cause I hadn’t done it before so my body was getting used to the change, well whatever that meant although that didn’t sound all that plausible to me.
My trying to appease him, working on making a success out of the relationship continued well into the semester with him giving me days I could see him and days I shouldn’t. If I went contrary to that, he got nasty with me. Times were when during my ‘off’ days venture to see him, he had other girls who to me, I just felt were friends insist they were going to stay in his room ‘cause they were ‘scared’ of sleeping alone in their room or was it when he started asking another girl out? There was this day he said I had to capture my man and I was too timid that when I come in and see girls in his room or him playing with chics way too improper that I just sit there. My heart got broken everyday.
He told me he didn’t like fair chics that he likes them as black as ebony and it so happens I’m so fair, I then started hating my complexion. He said he didn’t like fat of chubby chics, boy did I start jogging! I even became the jogging captain. I joined all sorts of sports group, well it paid off ‘cause I became a slim shady and that still, wasn’t enough for him I tell you.
He loved wild girls with crazy dressing, see me dressing crazily and he started complaining! I even started smoking and drinking, It was such a crazy time for me. Bottom line, I did have an inferiority complex. I stopped the smoking and drinking ‘cause that just wasn’t me at all.
Funny thing was all his friends came to love me and become genuine friends to me. So most times, I got to know about his escapades and his whereabouts through them. They even started telling me to stop having anything with him but of course I didn’t listen, I was following my heart. A lot of them stopped speaking to me ,which didn’t bother me that much cause I felt I was in love and they were just ‘jealous’ of him.
In those times, when It got too much for me to handle, I always appealed to my friend Beauty to intervene on my behalf for me. Now, I really must give you a little history about this close friend of mine called Beauty.