Monday, March 29, 2010

TRADING MY NAIVETE

Posted by sosexy at 11:04 PM
Being naïve is a blissful ignorance that is truly enjoyable while it persists but when it gets compromised you view life in two ways: Thankful that you can now ‘see’ clearly or; regret for losing that naiveté.
I had a secondary school boyfriend and when we had our first kiss, I honestly believed I had lost my virginity. For each new class, I had a different boyfriend. People thought I was so streetwise whereas I knew nothing. It would surprise my ex-school mates if they knew otherwise, all of them excluding the boyfriends.
So I went to college along with a resolution not to make up, to hide my shape and bla bla bla so all those bad boys won’t see me. Yeah right! They snuffed me out from the long ankle length skirts and my empty face with only powder and lip gloss.
My cover was blown when my mother who spares no expense on her dressing and appearance came to pay me a visit; then people wondered how I could look so drab with a mom this fabulous looking.
She employed my friends who were way different (in terms of dressing and cosmetics) from me to shake me up a bit and not allow me look as barefaced as a man. She did all that with good intentions I know, but all it brought me was unwanted attention to my otherwise quiet life.
So through my girlfriend (for purposes of easy communication, her name will be Beauty), I met this guy, Bobi very popular and a lively company at that. He spared me a glance and had a few minutes conversation with me,said I was a nice girl to which I blushed uncontrollably. Bobi said he’d like to see me again.
I couldn’t stop talking about him! He was my first real thing! I was too naïve to know the rules of the game that this wasn’t secondary school and these guys were all old in the game and I, just a JJC.
I started visiting him and all that and then I met all the hardcore chics who drank, smoked and were also runz babes. In all this, I discovered that they were all in serious relationships in school and it amazed me to no end that a guy would still find such a girl attractive despite the obvious, then, I thought, mine would be a piece of cake.
When I first told him I was a virgin, He laughed to my face! Off course he didn’t believe me what with chics do these days. I never planned to give up my virginity; I had started getting reports about him and his philandering and it hurt like hell. He even told me that he liked me too much to mess with me and that he’d advice me to leave him be, I wasn’t the girl for him and that time with all the demon he had pursuing him. Did I listen? No, I wanted to convince him of mine love for him and win him over. I was so blind and terribly so.
I could have saved myself the stress but I continued and one day when I spent the night at his place which wasn’t the first time anyway he pounced on me and as much as I entreated on his better side, all my entreaties feel on deaf ears. After he was done, he said:
‘..Thought you said you were a virgin? I didn’t even feel any resistance there, you chics! ‘
I cried as I had never done before. I hated myself, Beauty for introducing us. None of the experiences chics have with their boyfriends with blissful memories were anything like mine. It was horrible, humiliating and bad. I just knew I had just experienced the worst sex ever!
The next day, a neighbor came in to his room (a girl, thank God!) and screamed at what she saw. What even he didn’t notice, me neither. There were blood stains on the bed sheet. It was then that he looked at me and kept apologizing .Well, it was too late. I feel ill and was bedridden for a few days before I went home for the vacation.

20 comments:

Myne Whitman on March 30, 2010 at 12:44 AM said...

This sounds like rape to me but I do know it happens more often than we think. These things may pass but they leave you carrying the baggage.

Hope it helps as you let it out.

doll on March 30, 2010 at 10:36 AM said...

what a horrible way to loose one's virginity...sorry!

F on March 30, 2010 at 10:56 PM said...

Some guys are animals masquerading as men. If the guy was so concerned about ur feelings or truly believed he wasn't good enough for you and you deserved better, why would he rob you of your virginity in such a horrible way? That is exactly what he did. Taking something without permission is stealing. I hope you got medical attention afterwards cos rape is no joke. If only there was a way to pay such guys back... I guess God is always in control sha; he'll get his.

I do agree with the idea of shedding naive airs as one grows older. Guys who appear to be nice start to seem more suspicious as we get older and wiser. It's just a shame it took such a horrific incident for this to happen in your case. Like I said, some of them are animals.

Welcome to blogville... Hope you enjoy your stay. :)

F on March 30, 2010 at 11:11 PM said...

This is so annoying! Left a whole comment and it vanished before my eyes... SMH Anyway, here we go again...

Some men are animals masquerading as human beings. If the guy really cared about ur feelings and wanted to spare you from getting hurt by getting close to him, why would he lead you on by letting you stay at his place only to rob you of your virginity? Yes o... Na robbery. Taking something without permission is stealing. Thief na thief, e no get part 2.

I agree with your point about shedding naive airs as one matures, though. The older we get, the better we can see through facades that people put off to come across as more respectable or attractive. It's just a hurtful shame that you had to experience something so horrible as part of your journey towards learning that lesson. Like I said, they are animals.

Welcome to blogville. Ur honesty is inspiring. Hope you enjoy ur stay. :)

Suru on March 30, 2010 at 11:20 PM said...

Welcome to blogsville. This is an unfortunate story. As they say, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

yankeenaijababe on March 30, 2010 at 11:25 PM said...

thanks for stopping by, just added your blog to you regular reads. Very sad story yet very innocent, she lost it to some weirdo dude who wanted to take advantage of her when she told him she was a virgin. Sounds like rape yet doesn't as well. Some guys are just crazy, what a shame!

sosexy on March 30, 2010 at 11:45 PM said...

@ Myne..Thanks for coming back.The baggage isnt small oh.. The story's is just starting.. and yeah,It helps to let it out.
@doll... Thanks dear!
@F .. Thank you so much for taking out the time to discuss this.. It is rape and yet it isn't.I'm good though..Be on your blog in a minute.Thanks for coming.
@Yankeenaijababe..I trust you na.. Knew you'd come through for me..Thanks for coming.
@Suru..Thank you so much.. for coming.. It certainly did make me stronger,my story's just starting.
Thanks you all and please come back.

Lady X on March 31, 2010 at 7:45 AM said...

This is rape. I am so sorry for what happened to you. This guy is an animal. As you said he was older so he took advantage of you. I hope you don't talk to him anymore.

LucidLilith on March 31, 2010 at 2:00 PM said...

I was a lot older when I lost my virginity...in my early twenties and even I felt a little traumatized. I can't imagine what you must have gone through!

The Girl with the Red Hair on March 31, 2010 at 2:58 PM said...

This is rape and yet not rape, sleeping over was the mistake.

Welcome to blogsville

Repressed One on March 31, 2010 at 3:30 PM said...

Oh wow! This is rather sad...sorry it happened to you that way.

...thanks for stopping by mine and welcome to blogville :)

sosexy on March 31, 2010 at 6:35 PM said...

@Lady X..I don't talk to him anymore.You sound like my aunt.Lol.Thanks for coming.
@Lucidlilth..you have no idea..Thanks for understanding.Thank you for being here..
@Girl with the Red Hair.. Yeah, I know that now.A huge mistake that was.Thanks for coming ,heading over to yours..
@ Repressed One.. yeah sure did.Thanks for coming..

1manview on March 31, 2010 at 8:46 PM said...

No means no, but life moves on.... Trusting has become a none virtue because of the acceptance of society stupidity... Hopefully you will find a man of virtue in the future, and not a boy in mans clothing... The man inside me is ashamed for his action... Boys like that make it hard for real men... It's unfortunate that life will kick you in the pants and knock you down. It's just the reality of life. But, you either pick yourself up, or you lie there waiting for more. I'm glad to see that you got up and looked life straight in the eyes...

Sugarking on March 31, 2010 at 11:03 PM said...

Na wa o. Na thunder go fire the guy sha. Pele joo

musco on April 1, 2010 at 7:50 PM said...

From a guy's perspective,it's difficult to have d right words to say to this but ... time will heal d wounds.

cool blog!

Rene on April 2, 2010 at 1:58 PM said...

thanks 4 stopping by my bblog. love d template, make me feel we're at a table sipping onn some wine and gisting....lol....will surely come bak.
pele ooo.....dtz a terrible way to lose ur virginity.

sosexy on April 3, 2010 at 12:31 PM said...

@ 1manview..Thanks you so much for your words..They are uplifting..Thank you for coming over.
@SugarKing..Thank you jare..Atleast you've sweetened it by commenting.*wink*
@Musco..thanks for stopping at my blog..Heading over to yours once I'm done here..
Time healed me but turned me in to something else..What's your take on that?
@Rene..Thank you for coming..It took me a lot of thinking to come up with this template cause This is how my Friends and I sit together to discuss our experiences..We laugh,cry,console..
So I thought,That what I'd be doing here and you all are my friends so WTH?excuse my language although I can't help cause you'd get that from me a lot.
Thanks and thank you all again and again.

Feral Female on April 4, 2010 at 2:46 AM said...

Oh my!! As I read the part where Bobi told you that; "He even told me that he liked me too much to mess with me and that he’d advice me to leave him be, I wasn’t the girl for him and that time with all the demon he had pursuing him." I thought OH MY GOSH this is my story, as in the exact thing happened to me.

However, I did leave, but I too was almost raped..

Yes, this case was in fact rape, because you protested but it fell on deaf ears, he was selfish, you can't force someone to have sex with you, and even if he said that he thought you weren't a virgin, the comment he made afterwards serves to prove that he knew exactly what he was doing.

I thank God for getting me out of my situation, I also spent the night, but luckily I fought hard enough and it worked.

Don't blame yourself, we all make mistakes, there are other things which I wish I never did instead.

It's such a shame that Bobi only realised this afterwards.

I believe he asked you to leave because he knew that he was only interested in you for sex, and he could tell that you really loved him, some players actually have a conscience, he probably respected your honesty and love, and at that time felt like a monster if he kept on cheating on you. He then took your staying with him to mean; "I'm all yours, I am here for you no matter what you do."

That's what I interpreted anyways.

Your blog is interesting, honesty is always a delicious concept for blogging.

Thanks for sharing and Happy Easter, all our wounds will heal.

sosexy on April 7, 2010 at 11:44 AM said...

@ Feral Female..Thank you a whole lot..Thanks for visiting,For caring this much to also share.Feel better already. Heading over to yours.

Feral Female on April 10, 2010 at 7:15 PM said...

@ sosexy.. my blog?? I really should put more effort into maintaining it.

:)

 

SAY IT AS IT IS Copyright © 2010 Designed by Ipietoon Blogger Template Sponsored by Online Shop Vector by Artshare